5.11.2009

Me, and me and me and the other me

Daily wrestling match
Take Downs: D-0, E-52

It's getting hot in texas...

so we are bustin' out the swim gear!

and the shades and fancy t-shirt hats!

D and his mini-me

D in his shrunken state

I remember being so excited about having a baby because
I knew it would remind me of it's daddy
and he does,
I love it.

No pressure son, I just thought I'd document your early obsession with the pig skin.

There you go again, you All-American. No pressure. :)
But seriously, you should see him tackle all the other little kids.
(He's really trying to cuddle with them and give them hugs, but he takes em down!)

No excitement here, none at all.

Samuel turned 13. I made Heidi's TX Sheet cake with sparkly candles.

He got presents and cards and had all girls at his birthday party. (Watch out!) Our family friends just happen to have mostly girls. So they had a water balloon fight all over the yard, tons of pizza and pop, cake and ice cream and presents. It was fun!

Ethan is learning to eat with a fork.

or maybe not

but he's exploring his options

Doesn't he look good in a tux!
Such a stud.
Going to his band competition. He's awesome at the clarinet.

Ethan has a sand box now.

and he loves it.

After biking 20 miles a day to work and back,
D is now skinny enough to fit in the sand box too!


I get online to blog it up, with pictures ready to download, but I can't help but read all the stuff you guys have to say and I love it. I love reading and feeling like I'm not the only one.

So an hour later I'm just getting around to posting, feeling like my wit or life experience just won't compare to the goods I've just browsed.

But I'll tell ya anyways...

Life with a teenager and a toddler can make you a little schizo. You have to balance between boogies and patty cake; and homework and endless questions; between making sure he doesn't get too close to the road and keeping track of his friends; between worrying about his health and worrying about his spirit. LOTS of things are different, and sometimes I worry that I won't be able to keep going back and forth.

But alot of things are the same too...Are they both getting what they need and a little extra? Do they understand why they shouldn't do that, or why they should stay away from that? Am I motivating them to do good, Am I praising and encouraging them? Am I teaching them boundaries and respect? Am I loving them, but more importantly do they see my love for them in some shape or form? Do they know that I am here and that I will always be here for them? Lots of things are the same.

I'm still getting used to saying "My children" outloud.

...my children. :)

Over the past few weeks D has been working a second job in the evening and I've had to shake myself out of a dream-like state. I was one of the lucky wives who had her husband with her most of the time, literally he was with me more than anywhere else. That hasn't been the case over the past couple weeks and it won't be for a while (there's a summer job to replace this part time job next month, then in the fall he begins his Master's).

In the wake of it all, of the loneliness and missing him, I feel like I've found a part of me that I put away when I got married. I put her away on purpose, so D wouldn't have to compete with anyone, even myself, for my attention. But with him gone alot, I've had to dust her off and make use of her again. I guess you could call her the part of me that was my best friend before I got married. That part of ourselvse, ladies, that loves us, that knows us, that can make a decision with confidence - how to arrange the bookshelf, motivating myself to water the lawn or go out and garden, to clean the fridge or do some laundry.

I can take her with me, she likes what I like, we get excited over the same things: shopping, books, new recipies, funny stories, beauty in art and music. We love all those things. I don't want my husband to feel left out, but in the last couple of days I've been having fun. And perhaps the secret of independent women is that they love themselves and for the most part can motivate from within because of that best friend inside of them.

You might be wondering if the best friend inside of you is on a shelf somewhere, and you might be wondering how to find her. For me it was the time to myself, from 9 pm to 11pm, after Samuel has gone to bed and before D comes when I am forced to be by myself. There is no one to worry about or to "mother" and it's just me. I have more than mere moments to sit, and to sense myself and the things around me - very much like yoga - with all those other noises and worries just not there you can't help but really look at what's going on.

You have the mental break and emotional calm to actually ponder and envision how you would fix the problems you see. I find myself constantly running from one thing to the next, never really taking the pause I need to understand what's going on around me. And seeing the piles of dishes, the endless laundry and poopy diapers re-appearing every-day, can take the wind out of any sails.

I don't suggest ditching your husband and kids for hours everyday and leaving them to fend for themselves, but if a time comes when everyone has to be somewhere, or the kids are tucked safe in their beds, or your husband has to work late or go on a trip, take the chance and embrace it. Find that best friend inside of you and begin to make decisions with her in mind, rather than doing what you think others expect of you.

...my loves. :)

7 comments:

Chantalle Bishop said...

What a great post. Adorable pictures, and lots of incite. I always wonder how you are doing with your situation, so it is nice to see it a little from all the way over here. Looks like you guys are having fun in the sun- keep updating, I love reading :) And I totally agree about your comments about yourself. Made me think a lot!

Landon and Kylie said...

Love the words of wisdom, you have no idea how I needed that right now...

Clayton and Camea said...

Love you! I'm really glad that you found yourself again. Life gets so tricky! I like all your 'you's' :)

Hendrickson Family said...

I loved that post Joce! You always know what to say, and I love that about you. Never lose that. I'm sure you're such a great mamma!

THIAGO said...

OLÁ JOHNSON COMO VC ESTÁ?
QUEM ESTÁ ESCREVENDO É THIAGO(BRASIL, GUAIANAZES) LEMBRA?
PASSE POR FAVOR SEU EMAIL, POIS PERDI.

UM ABRAÇO!
THIAGO

Sam said...

Joccceee!

You're probably the greatest Mom to your two boys! You don't have anything to worry about there! I really liked what you said about being your best friend and loving yourself. Kyle is graduating in July with his nursing degree and he has been busy and gone a lot lately, and I have started finding myself that same way lately. It's been great! Take care!

em said...

i LOVED this post! you are amazing. OH how i wish we were neighbors. i admire you so much!